I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
