didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
