Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
