His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
