YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
