btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
