I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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