i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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