You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
