a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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