Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
