i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just tell him i said nine months
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
