like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
