don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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