I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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