"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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