I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
