so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
