I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
