Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
