Sponge bath it is.
I think my fart just growled at me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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