So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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