nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
