No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
