There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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