Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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