Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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