I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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