dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize