So drunk its hurt
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
