You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
