just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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