she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
