He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
