Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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