Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
