I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
