all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
