sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Who put my cat in the fridge?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
