i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize