Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
