O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
