is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
