I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
