hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
