why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
