never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We talked him into tasing himself.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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