apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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