She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
