this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am naked and annoyed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
