Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My cat gives me a boner
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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