you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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