Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
