maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
