Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hippo gnu deer
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
