69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
