it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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