Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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