how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
