new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
