come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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