i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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