I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
