if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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