I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dicks are not precious.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
