your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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