we made out on top of his cat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
