Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
