One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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