I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just want nice things and good sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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