i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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