in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The adults are the big ones right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
