Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
