did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
