so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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