It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
